Reality checks give you opportunities for deep reflection. Thanks RHH Seattle B-Schoolers for mine. This is what has arisen from your kind intervention, Susan.
When I first started the Be GREAT! journey, I knew it would require endless hours of devotion and that it would be tough. But…I am passion. I leap out over deep crevasses. I cry. I cuss. I float. I land in success. Or at least it all works out. This is no different, right? So I followed my passion and jumped. I followed my heart and listened to guides and mentors and angels.
And yet, fear creeps in. Grabs me by the throat. Tears fall. The shitty doubting voices crowd my mind. What the fuck have I done? Grateful as I am for having had a retirement account, it is gone. For what? A vision? A dream? What about reality? Where will I land this time?
Yes, I remain hopeful. Yes, I spend time every day in meditation that is full of beautiful visualizations of wild, crazy-mad success. Glitter. Hope. Surprising over-the-top success. A red Mercedes in my driveway. Conversations with Oprah. Everyone in love with the BG vision and mission, filled with joy because of their conference experience.
Yet, I am in the middle of an ocean. Thank goodness the water is warm. But it is just me without a boat. I’m dog paddling. The water slaps my face. I cough and sputter. While there are moments of graceful ease, there are too many moments of flailing that threaten to take me down.
Waves of experience surround me. Everything I have ever done has led me here. Everything I have ever done makes me qualified for this adventure. Yet, I know nothing. Everything is new and a challenge and takes hours to figure out and implement. The bait I throw that sticks on the wall is what I go with until it, too, falls into a mushy goo mess on the floor.
Yet, here I am. I am passion. I am love. I am hope. This is how I have always lived my life. I am a pleaser. I need to help everyone with everything. Close to 50 I am learning about boundaries. But I will always passionately throw myself out there… everything I do is all about trying to make things better for everyone… including myself.
I make mistakes. Boy, do I make mistakes. Large ones. Fat ones. Ginormous ones. Sometimes pissing people off as I go. Or annoying them at best. Not on purpose. And it’s out of love. Out of faith in a better world. In an effort to help every single person who crosses my path. You see, at the end of my tunnel is light… a beautiful golden glittery light. And I must get there. I WILL get there. Skipping. Crawling. Dancing. Crying. I will get there.